No wonder the opposite gender is such a let down.
Ah, me. Valentine's Day. Really, just a holiday to celebrate chocolate and the lovely clash of pink & red harmoniously emblazoning the brain. i've always taken the 4th grade approach to V-day; the conversation hearts (aka chalk candy, excellent for chucking at people), passing out foil v-day cards & chocolate.
And I don't mean to be bitter, nor do i even mean to whine; but honestly, I've got to stop what i've been doing. That is not to say that what i've been doing during my twenties has been the same, but as this decade starts to really come to a close, i thought a recap of my boy-madcaps would prove educational and perhaps expose a template to start this new decade fresh:
- The development of the scarlett o'hara complex -- wanting someone, but them not wanting me. then they did want me but i didn't want them any more, i was tired. This was basically high school, college and my early twenties. (if only i'd blog then!) This pattern shows up in future bullets as well.
- There was the "eff it all" and have a one-night-stand that evolved into an eight-month relationship with the health-nut, green-tea drinking, three-cell-phone "entrepenuer." I know, Miss, he was hot.
- There was the three-year crush that was like a roller-coaster of hints, inuendo and manipulation that had me crying at, well, anything. Damn you, scarlett.
- Throw in ONS #2, who's scruffy beard irratated the skin on my chin into a hideous mess (really, it looked like a rug burn on my chin. or that 7-year-old knee scrap on the pavement.)
- Let's see, then there was the "get to know him phase" which just resulted in these weird platonic tangos that left me deflated and confused. oh, and frustrated.
- Back to rollercoast crush, 'cause that just couldn't just go away! oh, no. Here is where i decided to "be an adult" and just tell him how i felt. yeah. except i wasn't dealing with an adult. This round ended with the most horrific sex story i will ever experiene (fingers crossed).
- Then there was the co-worker who asked me "to go out for a drink" which i thought was friendly. And it was, but a bit too friendly. not to say it wasn't a good time, it was. but it was completely unexpected (i naively thought i was getting a new friend at the office!) and then ended the same day it started, apparently, for him. Yet guess what happened? Yup, you guessed it! that darn southern hussy complex rolled back in, backwards this time.
- Lately i've been of the "just have fun with it" mind-set. It hs proven to be semi-effective, but the problem is the reason i never was like this before (see bullet 2), was because i've always known it'd never be satisfying. Sure the drama is nice and the occasional text messaging and the ability to booty-call, but this gets old very, very fast. Plus we all know this isn't going to go anywhere from the start.
So, as Stan would say at the close of South Park episode, "I think we've all learned something here today." And i'd agree. I am at exactly where i started when i was 25 and decided to "eff it all." Interesting. I've also learned that this isn't working. But what to do? i go out to bars, clubs, museums, bookstores, grocery stores, karaoke spaces, dinners. I do the occasional speed dating type scenario. i go to movies. i take classes. i have friends who have friends (y'all need to make MORE friends!!). None of this seems to be working. And i know, if i don't think about it, dwell, the whole "when you least expect it" kinda thing... but see above, a lot of those were in that spirit and see how well they've panned out, eh?
So, i'll just go back to my chocolate-covered rice krispy treat this V-day and it will all be just fine.
