Oh, the moon~

i mean honestly. what is more reassuring then the moon?
And when it pulls the occasional neat trick of eclipsing, wow.

No wonder centuries upon centuries of people have praised, worshipped and written about this calming entity.

I sat on my back stoop tonight, and even in the hub-bub of la-la land (where there are usually more planes than visible stars) i watched her full, baleful eye wax and wane as she slowly waltzed with the earth's shadow.

All of us in different timezones, places (in the western hemisphere that is, see nasa if you want the sceintific scope) witnessed this awesome event; connecting us momentarily with a similar feeling of awe as we craned our necks to take note, as our most mindful guardian passed through the night sky.

Okay, enough waxing poetic, christine. Leave the moon to shakespeare, gosh


Midsummer Night's Dream - Act I, Scene I:
And then the moon, like to a silver bow
New-bent in heaven, shall behold the night

Othello - Act V, Scene II:
It is the very err of the moon;
She comes more nearer earth than she was wont,
And makes men mad.

Winter's Tale - Act 1, Scene II:
By all their influences, you may as well
Forbid the sea to obey the moon

Julius Caeser - Act IV, Scene III:
I had rather be a dog, and bay the moon,
Than such a Roman.

And my favorite:
King Lear - Act I, Scene II:
This is the excellent foppery of the world, that,
when we are sick in fortune,--often the surfeit
of our own behavior,--we make guilty of our
disasters the sun, the moon, and the stars: as
if we were villains by necessity; fools by
heavenly compulsion; knaves, thieves, and
treachers, by spherical predominance; drunkards,
liars, and adulterers, by an enforced obedience of
planetary influence; and all that we are evil in,
by a divine thrusting on: an admirable evasion
of whoremaster man, to lay his goatish
disposition to the charge of a star!

i know what to expect from chocolate

Right? i know it'll be yummy, will not disappoint and make me smile.
No wonder the opposite gender is such a let down.

Ah, me. Valentine's Day. Really, just a holiday to celebrate chocolate and the lovely clash of pink & red harmoniously emblazoning the brain. i've always taken the 4th grade approach to V-day; the conversation hearts (aka chalk candy, excellent for chucking at people), passing out foil v-day cards & chocolate.

And I don't mean to be bitter, nor do i even mean to whine; but honestly, I've got to stop what i've been doing. That is not to say that what i've been doing during my twenties has been the same, but as this decade starts to really come to a close, i thought a recap of my boy-madcaps would prove educational and perhaps expose a template to start this new decade fresh:

• The development of the scarlett o'hara complex -- wanting someone, but them not wanting me. then they did want me but i didn't want them any more, i was tired. This was basically high school, college and my early twenties. (if only i'd blog then!) This pattern shows up in future bullets as well.
• There was the "eff it all" and have a one-night-stand that evolved into an eight-month relationship with the health-nut, green-tea drinking, three-cell-phone "entrepenuer." I know, Miss, he was hot.
• There was the three-year crush that was like a roller-coaster of hints, inuendo and manipulation that had me crying at, well, anything. Damn you, scarlett.
• Throw in ONS #2, who's scruffy beard irratated the skin on my chin into a hideous mess (really, it looked like a rug burn on my chin. or that 7-year-old knee scrap on the pavement.)
• Let's see, then there was the "get to know him phase" which just resulted in these weird platonic tangos that left me deflated and confused. oh, and frustrated.
• Back to rollercoast crush, 'cause that just couldn't just go away! oh, no. Here is where i decided to "be an adult" and just tell him how i felt. yeah. except i wasn't dealing with an adult. This round ended with the most horrific sex story i will ever experiene (fingers crossed).
• Then there was the co-worker who asked me "to go out for a drink" which i thought was friendly. And it was, but a bit too friendly. not to say it wasn't a good time, it was. but it was completely unexpected (i naively thought i was getting a new friend at the office!) and then ended the same day it started, apparently, for him. Yet guess what happened? Yup, you guessed it! that darn southern hussy complex rolled back in, backwards this time.
• Lately i've been of the "just have fun with it" mind-set. It hs proven to be semi-effective, but the problem is the reason i never was like this before (see bullet 2), was because i've always known it'd never be satisfying. Sure the drama is nice and the occasional text messaging and the ability to booty-call, but this gets old very, very fast. Plus we all know this isn't going to go anywhere from the start.

So, as Stan would say at the close of South Park episode, "I think we've all learned something here today." And i'd agree. I am at exactly where i started when i was 25 and decided to "eff it all." Interesting. I've also learned that this isn't working. But what to do? i go out to bars, clubs, museums, bookstores, grocery stores, karaoke spaces, dinners. I do the occasional speed dating type scenario. i go to movies. i take classes. i have friends who have friends (y'all need to make MORE friends!!). None of this seems to be working. And i know, if i don't think about it, dwell, the whole "when you least expect it" kinda thing... but see above, a lot of those were in that spirit and see how well they've panned out, eh?

So, i'll just go back to my chocolate-covered rice krispy treat this V-day and it will all be just fine.

Juno & that addicting soundtrack!

Do, do-do-do, do-do-do, do-do-do-Do!

Everybody!

Do, do-do-do, do-do-do, do-do-do-Do!

Jeez. I am hooked. The CD is in my car. My iPod is charging next to bed, cued up to Juno, as its very own playlist. My computer doesn't play anything else. It's a music addiction! One that i've not experienced since i first got hooked on the whitestripes.

I sing it in the shower. The car, humming at the ATM. We sing it in the office, for crying-out-loud. It is bringing us closer together as we verbalize snatches of verses in an off-key way that is accurate!

Nothing like some simple music, simply sung with clever lyrics to reverberate among us. If you've not seen the film, please do. If you don't own the soundtrack, that should probably be rectified quick-like.

We sure our cute for two ugly people

I don't see what anybody sees, in anyone else...

But you.

Do, do-do-do, do-do-do, do-do-do-DO!

Jabba Time -

Time is a funny thing. Absense too.


I think of all the adages that apply to these two concepts and grow weary.


For those of you close to me know that for some time i was a complete mess over Jabba the Hutt (yes, that's a codename of course. & yeah, that may be fodder for another post, on how that name came to be. it isn't quite as mean as it sounds.). I think i can safely say that three years were spent hoping, wallowing and waiting over this particular person, one who i saw on a regular basis.

I then made the decision that I wasn't too proud of; I had to stay away.

This was a mix of emotions because eff it, just because someone is a jackass doesn't mean i have to stay away. That would mean that he won. But it got increasingly harder all the time, so i stopped. Originally i thought it was temporary, then it became a habit and then it was how it was. It has been over 2.5 years that i have stayed away. Oh, yes, there was the almost-sighting (i ducked, dork.) and there was opportunity, but i took the "this is your dance space, this is mine" to whole new levels.



I guess running into "that person" is inevitable. It happens eventually. I should be grateful it wasn't as i was leaving the gym, or running to the store for a last-minute ingredient wearing gnome flannel. i saw him at my company party, which i decided to treat like prom and actually put some effort into dressing the part (i had shiny, straight hair, false eyelashes, and a gold skirt. so i looked good, i think, but much more importantly i felt great.). It went fine, 1 minute of polite inquiries (once i recognized him after talking to him for 30 seconds) & a swatch of conversation later on & it was done.



And i thought; not too bad.



Until the drive home. Word to the wise, false eyelashes plus gobby-pent-up-unexpected tears equals not so much fun. These were the worse kinds of tears, a lethal combination of pity, anger at myself, frustration, lost time, more lost time as the waterworks continued to flow. As the mascara ran, i thought how a good cry is necessary. And it is nice to know i do have hidden emotions.


Sunday brought spasms of uncontrollable tears. In the middle of my voice lesson i completely broke down into hiccupping sobs (and we were staying away from love songs, especially ones of unrequited love!). Ironically, it was a good lesson, apparently i sing better when i am distracted.



My three best girls got to hear all about it (And it was really nothing). Thank you, M, S & S.

Today is calm and lovely. The rain has subsided, the sun is shining off the plump grey clouds & i've lunch plans, so that's nice. Jabba is miles away. Maybe that was closure. Maybe it was time.



Sorry for the stereotypical-girl lament. i just thought writing about it would be cathartic.